Hire me. I'm a ROCK STAR! Woooo! ROCK ON!

As a recently laid off web builder, I’ve been keeping an eye on the Craigslist job postings on a daily basis. Sometimes this leads to interesting job leads. Sometimes it’s pure entertainment. One trend I’ve noticed…

  • “I’m looking for a rock star freelance visual designer to work with me on several projects…”
  • “…is seeking rock star Graphic Designers to work in various parts of the Twin Cities…”
  • “…and rock star developers to create comprehensive design systems…”
  • “…for a rock star front end freelancer to help us keep our clients happy and their businesses growing…”
  • “…maintaining a rock star appearance and pleasing smell….”

When I find a potential job lead, I then write a personal cover letter and send it in. Of course, that’s not what rock stars do. We’re too busy to deal with individual contacts like that. So I thought I’d go ahead and do a ‘open cover letter’ to all those looking for rock star web pros!

Dear Babe or Dude:

I am writing in response to your job posting looking for a Rock Star web genius. I believe I would be a good fit for your organization as I have really awesome hair and look pretty good in jeans. I’ve been building web sites for 10 years and have been hooked on heroin for the past 4. I enjoy a good jam that doesn’t necessarily go anywhere but none of the wussy ‘jazz fusion’ or ‘flash intro page’ crap. Meetings are fine as long as a bong is being passed and we don’t start before noon. I do ask that you adhere to my employment rider that is attached in lieu of a resume. Do note that I will not accept green M-n-M’s on the premises at any times. I look forward to your $10,000 advance at which time I will definitely begin maybe thinking about doing some web work for you.

Rock on. Hendrix Rules! UX 4EVER! Peace out. Later.